YouChannell 2012-2013- Chapter Two: The No Cussing Club (May 14, 2012, 4:30 P.M.)

“Just so we’re clear,” Greg began during the YouChannell Home’s daily Group Time, “We’ve been hearing all too much profanity in this house, so today we’re going to come up with some other words to cut down.”

Anima’s shot up real fast. “What the fuck counts as profanity?” she asked.

“Oh,” Anima said, “Well that’s just fucking stupid.”

Before Greg could explain himself some more, Kishi Sayaka’s hand shot up faster than the speed of sound. Kishi was Anima’s best childhood friend.

“Kishi, we’re in the middle of Group Time,” Greg told her.

“I’m only getting a piece of paper,” Kishi said.

Greg sighed to himself. “You have one minute.”

So in under sixty seconds, Kishi ran to her room and collected a piece of yellow construction paper and a purple Crayola marker. Anima smiled at Kishi; Kishi smiled back at Anima.

“We could use this as a no-profanity contract,” Kishi suggested.

Greg and Katja thought it over for a bit.

“Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all,” Katja said.

“Yeah… that sounds like a good idea,” Greg added.

And that was when all the older kids gave Kishi a dirty look.

As the paper and marker came around, Riley Wilson raised her hand and asked, “Does calling someone ‘nigga’ count?”

“Yes,” Greg answered.

Anima raised her hand and asked, “Does Riley calling me a ‘ching-chong’ count?”

At first, Greg was stunned. Then he got sort of pissed and motioned Riley to come to the Vent Room.

“Well then where did Anima get the idea that you’ve been calling her a ‘ching-chong’?” Greg inquired.

“I don’t know!” Riley exclaimed in frustration, “Why don’t you go ask her?!”

And that was what exactly Greg did.

Greg then got Anima and Riley together into the Vent Room. “Okay, what’s going on with you two?”

“Riley’s been calling me a ‘ching-chong’!” Anima tattled.

“Lying ass bitch! I ain’t said anything about that!” Riley objected. She turned to Greg and continued with, “I don’t know what the fuck she’s talking about!”

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!” Anima objected back.

“Alright, you two, stop it! Stop it!” Greg sighed deeply and continued with, “Do you two even know what you’re talking about?”

No, but Riley was pretty well known for dropping the n-word every once in a while.

“See!” Riley exclaimed, “I told you she don’t know what she’s talking about!”

“Okay, okay!” Greg exclaimed. “We can all agree to a compromise, right?”

Both girls rolled their eyes and reluctantly nodded. Their opinions didn’t matter worth a shit; they realized that the sooner they agreed with Greg’s stupid bullshit, the sooner they could go on back to their lives.

“Riley, we’re not gonna use any more racial slurs. Anima, we’re not gonna lie about people calling us racial slurs. Do we understand this?”

Both girls nodded.

“Okay, now are we ready to go back?”

They nodded and walked back into the living room.

“Now then,” Greg started, “Where were we?”

“Everyone’s signed the contract,” Katja answered.

“That’s great!” Greg said. He turned to all the occupants and said, “I want to thank everyone for signing our no-cussing contract. Now we can focus on what words we can put in place of those swear words.”

Ryan raised his hand. “Does calling someone a hoe count as profanity?”

Greg sighed. “Yes.”

“Aw, fuck!” Ryan exclaimed, “Who the fuck am I supposed to call a hoe now, right?!”

“No one, dumb ass!” Riley replied back, “Your dumb ass needs some soap in that big ass mouth of yours!”

“That’s a lot less than what you can do with that mouth of yours!” Ryan retorted back.

Riley jumped out of her chair. “What?!” she shrieked, “What?! What the hell you say boy?!”

But Ryan continued on. “Hell, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten knocked up yet!”

“OH, HELL NO!!” With that out of the way, Riley lunged at Ryan and tried to punch him in the nose, but Greg was restraining her and Ryan was a foot taller than her. She was dragged back into the Vent Room.

“Right, fuck you too bitch!” Ryan shouted back.

While in the Vent Room, Greg tried to calm the ginger down. “Riley, Riley. Let’s take some deep breaths. Inhale-” He inhaled. “Exhale.”

Riley inhaled and exhaled for a good moment. Then she looked at Greg straight in the eyes and grunted, “I hate these motherfuckers around here!”

“You don’t hate them,” Greg soothed her.

“Yes, I do. I can’t stand these motherfuckers!”

“You’re just angry right now.”

While that went on with Greg and Riley, Katja motioned Ryan to her room. “Ryan, do you realize how inappropriate your comment towards Riley was?”

“I was fucking joking!” Ryan tried to defend himself.

“It doesn’t matter,” Katja said, “You still offended Riley by implying that she’s a whore.”

“I was-” Ryan stopped himself because Katja was gonna say the same shit over and over again.

“I’m not the one who got somebody pregnant!” Riley shouted all the way down from the Vent Room.

Ryan clenched his fists. “What the fuck did you say, bitch?!” he screamed down below.

“I said that I’m not the one who got somebody pregnant!” Riley shouted back in the Vent Room.

“OH, HELL NO!” Ryan screamed, stomping down the stairs and opening the Vent Room’s door.

Katja quickly followed, and just as he was about to lung at Riley, Greg and Katja switched kids. So Greg was holding Ryan, and Katja was holding Riley, who was also trying to lung at Ryan.

It took two hours for both kids to finally calm their shit, even having their dinner in their rooms. Finally, Greg knocked on Ryan’s door.

“Ryan,” Greg started, “Are you okay?”

Ryan slowly opened his door. His eyes were swollen and baggy, and his light red hair was extremely messy and shaggy. He was slumped over at the doorway. He slowly nodded.

“We need to talk about your attitude towards Riley,” Greg said.

Ryan huffed.

“I wanna know why you implied that Riley was a whore.”

“I was just joking. You know, just to… well you know.”

Greg sat Ryan down on the boy’s bed, looked him straight in the eye, and said, “You were rude to Riley in Group Time today. It doesn’t matter if it was just a joke or not, she was really offended by that.”

Ryan looked down. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“Thank you for apologizing. Do you think you can say it to Riley now?”

Ryan nodded. So they walked downstairs to Riley’s room and knocked on the door.

“Riley,” Greg called, “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Riley answered through the door.

“Is it okay if we come in?”

Riley assumed it was Greg and Katja that were at the door, so she gave permission. Next thing she knew, Greg and Ryan were standing at the doorway.

“Ryan has something to say to you,” Greg answered.

“Like what?! Is he gonna call me hoe?! Is that it?! Is that-”

“Damn, bitch! Am I gonna get a word out of my mouth?!” Ryan exclaimed anxiously.

“I know what the fuck you’re gonna sa-”

“Right, you two need to stop arguing right now. We’re here to settle this once and for all. Ryan, what do you have to say to Riley?”

Ryan sighed, stared at the floor for a bit, then slowly looked at Riley and said quietly, “I’m sorry for erhm… calling you a whore.”

Riley stared at the floor for a moment before mumbling, “‘Kay.” Then she got up and stalked into the living room where Anima and a couple of other people were watching a movie.

Ryan looked at Greg and said, “I apologized, and she just walks off to the living room! What the fuck?!”

“Just give her some breathing room,” Greg advised, “She’ll calm down in a little bit.”

Ryan walked upstairs to his room for a good while and reflected on what happened that day. True, it was his fault for calling Riley a whore, but shouldn’t she have been yelled at for being an obnoxious bitch and saying that he didn’t have a very big vocabulary. Then again, calling someone a hoe was kind of worse than saying that someone didn’t have a large vocabulary.

After thinking about that, Ryan sneaked into the living room and noticed Riley sitting on the orange couch. She seemed less angry, but she didn’t look happy either. Ryan also noticed that Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was playing on the TV. In fact, his favorite scene where Wonka shows all the kids the inside of the factory was coming up. Ryan knew that this was Riley’s favorite part of the movie too.

Riley and Ryan soon locked eye contact. Riley slightly nodded; so did Ryan. Then Anima decided to play the Maroon 5’s shitty inferior version of “Pure Imagination”.

“What the fuck?!” Ryan shouted at the little Asian girl.

“Girl get that shit out of here!” Riley also shouted at the little Asian girl.

And all was well because they both had a common enemy- Anima Hatsune for fucking up their favorite childhood movie song with the shitty inferior version of Gene Wilder’s classic take on “Pure Imagination”. Fuck that bitch.

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