YouChannell 2012-2013- Chapter Fifteen: The Giveaway (September 2, 2012 4:38 P.M.)

James was with his girlfriend Mari-Anne Johns on the hard plastic swings in the tiny playground. It was a quiet warm afternoon with only a few unimportant clouds.

“So uh… whatcha got me here for?” Mari-Anne asked.

James handed out a single black T-Shirt with a thin triangle and a rainbow coming out of one side. Mari-Anne gasped.

didn't i give that shirt last hanukkah

“What are you giving it to me for? I thought you love Pink Floyd.”

James sighed. “I… I just wanted you to have it, okay? I mean, my room’s getting crowded, and Greg said I needed to get rid of some stuff. You know what I mean?” He looked down at the ground and rubbed his depressed-looking eyes.

Yes, Mari-Anne knew what James meant. “You’re not trying to kill yourself, are you?”

James swallowed hard and blinked back tears. “N-No. Why?”

“James, I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not gonna work with me,” Mari-Anne said. She placed her hands onto James’s face and added, “Promise me that you’re not gonna kill yourself, like, at all.”

James looked back, blinking back tears. “I promise,” he said quietly.

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“You really promise?”

James managed to sneak in a chuckle. “I promise.”

“Pinkie promise?”

James held out his pinkie finger. “Pinkie promise.”

They pinkie promised.

“Well… I gotta go. My parents are gonna be pissed if I’m late,” Mari-Anne said. She started walking away when she turned her head and added, “I’m gonna see you tomorrow, am I?”

James nodded. “Yeah, see ya tomorrow.”

The pair went their own separate ways.

     It was after dinnertime, and Ceres, James, and Skye were watching Glee. Well technically… Skye was the only one watching Glee. Ceres and James were just sitting on the orange couch.

“Wait… how the fuck do you cum in a hot tub?” James asked, “Wouldn’t the sperm just float in the water or something?”

Skye shrugged.

“So how’s water sperm supposed to get the cheerleader chick pregnant if the sperm’s just in the water or some sh-”

“Shut up. I’m trying to see whether Quinn’s gonna keep the baby or not,” Skye said.

Ceres scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Oh my God. I can’t believe you actually watch this crap.”

Skye shrugged and ignored the bitch.

Just then, Tamie and Ryan walked into the living room and noticed James watching Glee.

“What the fuck is this shit?” Tamie asked drunkenly.

James looked at Skye and then looked at Tamie and shrugged.

“Hold on… is that… is that fucking Glee we’re watching?!” Ryan started laughing.

James blushed and hung his head low.

“Well shit,” Ryan said, “I didn’t think Jamie of all people would be watching this shit.” He turned to James and added, “I thought you didn’t like pop or rap.”

“I don’t,” James grunted, beginning to clench his fist and having tears sting his eyes, “Besides, Ceres is watching it too.”

“Well yeah, but she’s a little girl so it doesn’t count,” Tamie said.

“Hey!” Ceres exclaimed. She got up and left the living room.

It took a while for someone else to say something. Then James asked-

skye watching glee

“Doesn’t count,” Ryan answered, “Skye’s always been watching that shit, so it’ll never count.”

Skye turned back at Ryan and said, “Fuck you!” Then he got up and stormed off to his room.

Ryan and Tamie started laughing their asses off; that ended up turning into hacking.

“Is he… is he crying?” Tamie asked.

Ryan hacked so loud he started outright coughing. “I think… I think he is!” He started laughing some more. “I can’t believe he’s actually invested in that shit!”

“Suck my dick!” Skye shouted from his room.

James rolled his eyes, stared at his feet, and sighed.

“What’s up with you, Jamie?” Ryan asked.

James shrugged. He turned away and stared at the wall.

“Have you been crying?” Ryan asked, trying hard not to laugh.

“No.”

“Sure fucking looks like it.”

“I haven’t been crying! Now fuck off!” James growled. He turned a 180 and stormed out of the living room. Shit, what started out as an okay day turned out to be a really shitty one. He looked around in his room for his Pink Floyd T-shirt and then realized he gave it away to Mari-Anne. That reminded him of the pinkie promise they had earlier that day. Did a pinkie promise really mean anything?

pinkie promises don't matter

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Assigned Male in a Nutshell

assigned male in a nutshell

PLEASE NOTE: I do NOT condone any harassment on the original author of “Assigned Male” nor do I intend on this being a harassment piece. My only intent is to critique this as from a writing perspective and nothing more, and I apologize in advance if I come across as harassing Sophie Labelle.

So about two years ago in the tail-end of my anti-SJW days, I posted a quick journal about Sophie Labelle’s infamous comic “Assigned Male”.

Now, even though I generally agree with what Sophie says regarding trans issues, I still find “Assigned Male” a bad bad comic, and it really all comes down to the writing and humor. Take this comic for example-

assigned male's really bad writing

My problem with the way Sophie portrays her argument is that it’s not only very preachy, but its preachiness kills the humor. Seriously, just get rid of the second-to-last panel, and this would’ve been a pretty good comic.

Same with this comic.

This could’ve been interesting… had it not been for Sophie hammering in the message. And oh God does Sophie like to hammer in her messages! If this were my comic, I would’ve written it like this-

Dad: Hey, where’s Stephie?

Boy: In the washroom.

Dad: Are you staying for dinner? Stephie’s friends are always welcome!

Boy: We’re not really friends. In fact, I think she hates me…

Dad: Why do you think that?

Boy: I keep saying the wrong thing. I guess I really am a transphobe.

Dad: What do you mean?

Boy: Well, I asked if she was a boy dressed as a girl or a girl born with a boy’s body, and she looked like she was offended.

Dad: sighs You know, I used to be the same way as you when Stephie first came out as trans. It was pretty hard for me learning which name and pronouns to use. And the ignorant questions I asked Stephie probably annoyed her so much! But you know what?

Boy: What?

Dad: It takes a lot of time to unlearn what we’ve seen as normal all our lives. And it’s not just us, it’s all of society.

Boy: sighs … Thanks for telling me that.

Okay, I’m not the world’s best writer, but it’s at least better than the actual comic.

Sophie, as someone who agrees with most of your points, you either need to get someone to help write your stories or just stick with Gender Helpline (because that’s where you shine best and Ciel’s your best character).

YouChannell 2012-2013- Chapter Fourteen: The Letter (August 12, 2012 1:33 P.M.)

“Folks, I have an announcement,” Anima told Kishi, Amanda, and Lynx on the colorful plastic playground equipment after lunch.

Lynx stared at the brown suitcase right besides Anima’s feet. “So what’s with the suitcase?” she asked.

Anima glared at Lynx and mumbled, “Yeah… about that.” She cleared her throat and continued, “I’m leaving today, and I’m never coming back. Don’t expect me to call you or text you or… actually, just don’t expect anything from me, okay? Thanks.”

Kishi and Amanda were in shock while Lynx just rolled her eyes.

“Wait, so if you’re leaving, can I at least have your Lucky Star manga?” Amanda asked.

That bitch! Anima was shocked; Anima was angry. Amanda wouldn’t even miss her, and neither would Lynx for that matter! Huh, some friends they were! “Well, bye I guess,” she said rather harshly. She picked up her suitcase and jumped off the playground equipment.

When Lynx and Amanda had said their goodbyes, Kishi walked up to Anima and asked, “Are you really leaving today?”

Anima gulped before tearfully nodding. She could barely get the “Yeah.” out of her mouth. And that was when Kishi did the strangest thing.

kishi hugs anima

“I’m gonna miss you, Anima,” Kishi whimpered, her arms squeezing Anima tightly.

Anima didn’t know what to say. Even though Kishi was her best friend, she still wasn’t expecting a reaction as strong as this. “I’m gonna miss you too,” she said quietly. Then she picked up her suitcase and walked back to the YouChannell Home for the final time.

“Look what I got!” Piro shouted at Anima when she walked into the living room. He shoved a whole sheet of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic stickers.

Anima looked at James, who was sitting on the couch, and asked where the hell Piro got those stickers from.

“How should I know? I didn’t get any mail,” James answered, looking a lot more irritated than usual.

Anima sucked her cheeks in and placed her hands on her hips. “Well, didn’t I get any mail?”

“Oh my God, who the hell cares?!” James shouted as he threw his hands in the air.

“I do! This could very well be my last day here!”

“Good! Nobody here likes you anyways!” With that out of the way, James jumped off the couch and stormed towards his room.

Nobody liked her; it was true. Otherwise, Anima wouldn’t be getting kicked out of the YouChannell Home on this day. She slumped towards the stuffy orange couch in the living room where she asked Piro if he liked her.

piro with his pony stickers

“I asked if you liked me or not!” Anima exclaimed.

Piro shrugged, which made Anima jumped on him and pull his hair. While she was pulling his hair, she tried to grab Piro’s stickers but wasn’t able because Greg picked her up and carried her to the Vent Room.

“Anima, I need to know why you thought beating up Piro was a good idea,” Greg said.

“Why the fuck do I have to tell you?! For all you know, this could very well be my last day here!” Anima shouted.

Greg stared at Anima for a minute. “Tell me what you’re referring to.”

That fucker! Anima knew he was just pretending to not know! Oh well, she was leaving today anyways, so-

i'm getting kicked out aren't i

Greg was taken aback. “Who… Who told you this?”

“Katja!” Anima sobbed with tears stinging her eyes.

If Greg wasn’t taken aback, he was sure silent. “Hold on a bit,” he said, quietly leaving Anima in the Vent Room.

All alone in the big white room, Anima knew that Greg was probably laughing about her, and who could blame him? She was a terrible person, a horrible person who had no redeemable traits, and there was no hope for her. Then Anima saw herself in the principal’s office at the special school- a tiny little girl who was bad in every way. She was getting kicked out of that school, no question about it.

just like she was getting kicked out today

Just then, someone knocked on the door. “Anima… is it okay if I come in?” Katja’s voice asked.

Hell, why not?! Might as well get one last yelling-at session out of the way before she left. Anima opened the door and let the old fuck in.

“Anima, about our meeting yesterday,” Katja began, “I was meaning that if you acted up like bullying again, you might be kicked out of public school. I didn’t mean to say that if you acted up like bullying again, you’ll be kicked out of this house. I’m sorry if I made you think this way.”

Anima blinked back tears and asked in a small voice, “You mean… I’m not getting kicked out?”

“No,” Katja said, “We can never kick you out.” She patted Anima’s back and added, “Now go on and unpack your suitcase, alright?”

As Anima walked into her room and unpacked her suitcase, she realized that maybe Greg and Katja loved her like she was part of their family… did they?

     Anima and Kishi were lying down on the living room floor staring at the cream-colored textured ceiling right before bedtime.

“I see the most beautiful mountains and puffs of wind,” Kishi said. She turned to Anima and asked, “What do you see?”

Anima squinted and tried her best to see a picture, any picture, on the ceiling but it was so blurry she didn’t even try. “A bunch of lines.”

“Oh Anima!” Kishi exclaimed with a giggle. She rolled over onto her side and said, “I’m so glad you’re not leaving.”

Anima was glad too.

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YouChannell 2012-2013- Chapter Thirteen: Group Time with Katja Schacter (August 11, 2012 10:30 A.M.)

“Right, so does anyone want to tell me anything important happening during the first week of school?” Katja asked during the afternoon Group Time.

Len’s shot up faster than definition of fast. “My science teacher’s really hot! Does that count?”

“No, it doesn’t,” Rina answered rather rudely, “She’s not even that hot in the first place anyways!”

So while Len and Rina were arguing, someone knocked on the front door. It turned out to be Lynx… with her father Mr. Utano when Greg answered the door.

“Is there an Anima here?” Mr. Utano asked.

Greg asked what he need Anima for, and all of a sudden, Anima flashed all the way back to last Tuesday in her English class. Ms. Mitchie, the teacher, was going over the pre-bell when she asked, “So how many people have actually done this on their own?”

Only Kishi and a couple of unusually good kids raised their hands. That’ll piss a teacher off.

ms mitchie

Well shit.

“I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH YOU LITTLE SHITS!” Ms. Mitchie continued to screech, “IT’S ONLY THE SECOND DAY OF SCHOOL, AND IT’S ALREADY BEEN PROVEN THAT NONE OF YOU SEEM TO GIVE A RAT’S ASS ABOUT ME OR YOUR EDUCATION!” With that out of the way, she stormed out of the classroom and slammed the door with an eardrum-exploding bang.

It took a while for the class to comprehend what the hell was going on until Anima asked blatantly, “What the fuck was that?”

Everyone in the class except Kishi started laughing their asses off.

“Guys, she might come back any second, and she’s gonna be pretty pissed if we’re this loud,” Kishi warned.

But apparently, nobody gave a rat’s ass because Anima said out loud, “I’ll bet all of you five bucks that if Ms. Mitchie doesn’t come back in fifteen minutes, we can all legally leave!” She knew this was true because Tess had once heard that fact.

“This isn’t college, dumb ass! Nobody’s gonna let us leave school if the teacher doesn’t come back,” a black girl named Kaelyn stated.

“Yeah, Anima. The school’s just gonna get a substitute if the teacher doesn’t come back,” Lynx added.

“Well that’s just fucking bullshit,” Anima thought bitterly in her head. She climbed on top of the teacher’s desk and shouted in the style of Ms. Mitchie, “Everybody sit down and shut the fuck up!”

Everyone in the class, even Kishi, started shrieking in laughter.

“Hey, you guys think Ms. Mitchie has Tourette’s Syndrome?” a mixed girl named Melanie asked.

Some of the boys were laughing their asses off.

“You mean like in that one episode of South Park?” a white boy named Eli replied.

This made Anima wheeze with laughter; she wheezed so hard she fell over out of her chair. It also didn’t help when Eli started imitating those with Tourette’s Syndrome a la South Park style and his group of friends started laughing.

“Hey, can we maybe not make fun of someone for something they can’t help?” Kishi asked the class.

“Yeah, it’s like making fun of someone for being gay,” Lynx added.

An Asian girl named Emma, who had been taking selfies the entire time, said, “Wait, Ms. Mitchie’s gay?”

“Wouldn’t surprise me,” Eli answered, sweeping his light brown hair away from his forehead, “Considering how much of a bitch she is.”

“Come on, Eli. Don’t be such a dick!” Melanie said, rolling her eyes.

Lynx jumped out of her seat and faced the juvenile and yet sinister look in Eli’s hazel eyes. “What the hell are you saying?! That lesbians are aggressive and bitchy?!”

“Are you a lesbian too, Lynx?” Kaelyn asked.

Seeing Lynx’s teeth and fists clench, Anima didn’t see what was so bad about being a lesbian or gay or some shit. Ms. Mitchie might be a lesbian, big deal. What was so bad about that? And then she looked in Eli’s eyes, Kaelyn’s dark brown eyes, Melanie’s tan eyes, Emma’s almost black eyes, and everyone else’s eyes. Being gay probably wasn’t a very normal experience apparently, and the one thing she wanted to be was normal- as normal as the guys who regularly watches South Park and Family Guy and as normal as the girls who argue about which guy from One Direction is the hottest. So she turned to Lynx and said, “This whole fucking thing is gay anyways. Eli’s acting gay, Kaelyn’s acting gay, and you’re especially acting gay- just like your dad and his boyfriend!”

And looking back at Lynx’s, and everyone else’s, face said everything that was wrong with the whole world.

the whole class shocked

“Anima Hatsune, you son of a bitch,” the teacher’s voice rang out.

After hearing the story, Katja walked up to where Anima, Greg, and Mr. Utano were and asked Anima to explain herself.

“I-I-I was just joking just like everyone else!” Anima tried to defend herself, “You know, it was a joke!”

“Yeah, and your ‘joke’ sucked,” Mr. Utano replied back, explaining that her joke was homophobic because it implied that gay people were less than straight people and all the negative connotations associated with those “jokes”.

Katja looked down at Anima and asked if she needed to say anything to Lynx and Mr. Utano.

“I’m… I’m sorry for making that joke,” Anima mumbled to Lynx.

“Thank you,” Katja said. Lynx and Mr. Utano also reluctantly accepted the apology.

“Alright, change of plan,” Katja said after the Utanos have left the house. “We’re going to talk about when a type of joke hurts someone.”

As Anima sat down next to James, James whispered to the girl, “What the fuck did you do?”

“I told some joke about people acting gay, and now everyone’s pissed,” Anima whispered back.

James’s eyes widened. “Holy shit. You made a joke about gay people that pissed so many people off, and you DIDN’T get expelled for that?!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!”

“Do you not realize where you live?! Say that shit again, and you might get kicked out again, and then where the hell are you gonna go, huh?!”

Anima rolled her eyes. “Yeah right. Like I’m gonna get kicked out again.”

“Well it can happen. Hell, you might even get kicked out of here.”

At that moment, Anima’s eyes widened. “You’re bluffing me, aren’t you?”

“You really think I’ll be saying this shit to bluff you?”

Anima had no answer; she kept her mouth shut throughout the rest of Group Time because she was already in trouble with Katja. Could she get kicked out of the YouChannell Home for what happened at school on Tuesday?

“Anima,” Katja said when Group Time had ended a half-hour later, “May I speak with you for a minute?”

Seeing the I-told-you-so-look on James’s face, Anima knew she was fucked.

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YouChannell 2012-2013- Chapter Twelve: High School Really Sucks Ass (August 6, 2012 2:04 P.M.)

Even though he was supposed to be in his Government class, Ryan was instead panicking in a bathroom stall- reason why he didn’t know. Good thing he sneaked in a couple of Xanax bars this morning on the way to school. He gulped, and he waited, and then (when he finally stopped panicking) he slowly walked out of the stall- and then bumped into James, who had some heavy-as-fuck bags under his eyes.

“Holy fucking shit!” Ryan exclaimed, “What the fuck happened to you?”

“Nothing,” James grumbled, turning away.

“Have you been crying?” Ryan asked, trying hard not to laugh.

“No.”

“Sure fucking looks like it.”

“I haven’t been crying! Now fuck off!” James growled. He turned a 180 and stormed out of the men’s bathroom.

Ryan was completely silent for a minute until he just quietly said, “Alright, damn. Shit.”

Then the bell rang. Last class of the day- Psychology. He took a deep breath and walked downstairs to the first-floor classroom second on the right. And that was when he met Riley.

“Oh hell no!” Riley groaned, rubbing her forehead with her first two fingers, “Don’t fucking tell me that we got the same fucking class together.”

Ryan gave Riley his schedule and shrugged. “Sorry, bitch.”

“Fuck!” Riley moaned, leaning back into her seat, “This shit can’t get any worse, can it?”

And then-

hol' up

“Aw, fuck!” Riley exclaimed.

“No way,” Wilbur said, “There is no way on God’ green earth that we have the same class as Riley Wilson!”

“This is a seniors’ class only!” Riley said.

Ryan started chuckling.

“This is psychology!” Wilbur argued, “It’s an elective for all grades! Besides, you’re not even a senior. You’re a sophomore like me!”

Ryan started laughing his ass off.

“Give me your schedule!” Riley said, snatching Wilbur’s schedule and reading it herself. Well, needless to say, they both had the same psychology class together.

“I hope you’re proud of yourself, Riley Wilson,” Wilbur grouched, snatching her schedule out of Riley’s hand.

“Proud of what?” another girl asked. Everyone turned around and saw Ryan’s girlfriend Bridget Myers.

“Babe!” Ryan exclaimed happily.

“Ryan?! Oh my God, I didn’t know you were here!” Bridget squealed, jumping up and down.

The two lovers ran towards and hugged as if they were in a sweet, sweet matrimony.

two lovebirds

“Oh my God,” Riley groaned, “I don’t what the fuck this girl sees in him.”

“You and me both,” Wilbur muttered under her breath.

God was this disgusting.

     “The fuck you’re doing in my car, bitch?!” Ryan asked Marilyn after school.

“I need a ride home,” Marilyn answered, playing with her hair and rolling her eyes like a stupid ditz.

“You got gas money?”

One dollar, two dollars, fifty cents- shit! “No.”

“Then walk your fat ass home, bitch!”

“What about your bitch over there? She got any gas money?”

Everyone (Marilyn, Ryan, Riley, James, and Wilbur) looked at Bridget, who looked as if she was about to slap Marilyn across the face.

“What the fuck?!” Bridget exclaimed angrily.

“Yeah, what the fuck Marilyn?!” Ryan repeated, “She doesn’t have to worry about gas money. She’s my girl!”

“Then why the fuck do I have to pay gas money for your car?!” Riley questioned with James nodding, “I fucking live with you!”

Wilbur simply turned around and caught her ride.

Ryan sighed through his nose and mumbled to all, “Get in the car.” And that was what ended a shitty first day of high school.

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YouChannell 2012-2013-Chapter Eleven: Middle Kind of Sucks Ass (August 6, 2012 8:20 A.M.)

Anima looked down at her schedule, not too sure what to do with herself for forty-five minutes.

NACH CUMA PUBLIC SCHOOLS

Hatsune, Anima Homeroom: Frome, Brooke Grade: 08

01: Art 7/8- Frome, Brooke #126

02: Science 8- Sarge, Tyrone #72

03: PE- Hideaway, Neil Gym

04: US History- Littleton, George #125

05: English 8- Mitchie, Gwendolyn #73

06: Pre-Algebra- Henderson, Taylor #99

07: ICT 2- Mold, Ariel Lab 2

She heaved a gusty sigh and dragged her feet towards Ms. Frome’s art class where she saw this.

ms. frome's class

Ms. Frome turned around and saw Anima. “And you must be…?”

“Anima,” Anima answered quietly, all of a sudden feeling shy, “Anima Hatsune.”

“Oh, you’re Anima,” Ms. Frome said, “I thought your name was pronounced ‘Hat-soo-knee.'”

Anima just stared awkwardly at the young, thick teacher.

“You… do have your schedule with you, right?”

Anima showed the young thick teacher her schedule.

“Alrightie then. You can sit in that back table near the sink,” Ms. Frome said. She looked at a girl with curly blue-violet hair and said, “Violet, raise your hand for me please.”

Violet, the girl with curly blue-violet hair, raised her hand.

“Make sure you two get along, alright?” Ms. Frome said.

Anima nodded, then looked around the classroom to avoid looking at Violet’s eyes. Tap tap tap. Anima turned around and saw Violet- too late.

ms. frome's my cousin

Anima nodded because she didn’t know whether or not Violet was telling the truth.

“Violet, stop,” another girl said.

Anima turned around and saw a short Chinese girl with glasses.

you can't brag about it

So it was true. It was pretty much confirmed when Ms. Frome called on Violet and Violet stood up in her chair and announced that she was Ms. Frome’s cousin.

“Violet, enough of that!” Ms. Frome said firmly. She walked over to where the girls were sitting at and whispered more harshly, “Just because it’s true doesn’t mean you can brag about it.”

The Chinese girl turned back to Violet and stuck her tongue out when the teacher turned around. “Yeah, Violet. That’s what I said,” she said. She turned to Anima and added, “By the way, my name’s Kyla, and this is Violet. What’s your name?”

With her hands clammy and her cheeks red, Anima had never felt so shy in her life. Still, Kyla and Violet were expecting an answer, so she quietly and meekly answered, “Anima.”

“Nice to meet you, Anima,” Kyla said.

“Same,” Violet added, “So where’d you come from?”

Where’d she come from? Shit, she couldn’t answer that truthfully. What would they think if she told them she came from a group home?! Then she remembered what Ryan said a couple of months back when he was talking shit about one of his ex-girlfriends being from there. “I came from Medford.”

“Medford,” Kyla said, “I’ve never been there. What’s it like?”

Anima shrugged and answered as casually as possible, “It’s okay I guess.”

Violet and Kyla nodded. Then they turned to each other and started whispering.

“Well at least she didn’t come from a group home,” Kyla said, “Poor thing! She’s so shy!”

“Gee, Kyla. That was kind of a dick thing to say,” Violet replied, “You think she’s special?”

“Poor thing,” Kyla said, casting a quick glance at Anima.

As the school bell rang, Anima rushed out of the art class with her eyebrows furrowed, her eyes blurred, and her cheeks hot and red. Yet another reason why she lied. Poor thing! More like dumb bitches! She stormed her way into her next class when she soon realized that she had no idea where her next class was. It took her two minutes for her to find someone who would tell her where Mr. Sarge’s science class was. By the time she entered the small stuffy classroom, she discovered Kishi was sitting at a tall black table with another girl. There was one seat left.

“Where the hell were you?!” Anima inquired angrily when she sat down, “I’ve been looking for you this whole time!”

“Well I’m sorry, but I didn’t want to be late for class!” Kishi said a half-assed apology.

Anima wasn’t sure whether to accept that excuse or not. Either way, she was still mad about Violet and Kyla, and she picked up her Lucky Star manga and started reading when the teacher walked in and introduced himself.

“Good morning, class,” the teacher said, “My name is Mr. Tyrone Sarge. I have been in the military for twenty years.” Then he looked straight at the table where Anima and Kishi were sitting at and shouted-

tolerating bufoonery

Mr. Sarge grabbed the roll from his desk and said, “When I call your name, please raise your hand.” He read the first name, “Rosa Aguilar?”

“Here,” the girl sitting next to Kishi said.

“I said raise your hand!” Mr. Sarge yelled at the poor girl. He quickly regained his poseur and repeated, “Rosa Aguilar?”

This time, Rosa raised her hand. Mr. Sarge continued calling the roll with Andre, Omar “Uh-Oh” and Grey, Jeremy also being in the same class.

“Puberty must’ve hit this motherfucker early,” Anima whispered to Kishi, elbowing her bestie and pointing and Jeremy.

Kishi started giggling.

“Bruh, Jeremy’s been held back twice,” Rosa commented.

That made Anima and Kishi snicker their asses off until Mr. Sarge turned back to their table and shouted, “Hatsune!”

Anima jumped and looked left and right.

“Is Hatsune here or not?”

Oh yeah, attendance. “He…Here!”

“What part of ‘Raise your hand when I call your name’ did you not get, Hatsune?”

This time, more timidly, Anima raised her hand. Then the teacher went back to calling roll while Kishi and Rosa started giggling until he called Kishi’s name. Kishi raised her hand, but she was still giggling.

“Now WHAT is so funny?” Mr. Sarge shouted, “Either you tell the joke or you stop laughing!”

Kishi quickly zipped her lips.

When second period ended, Anima and Kishi had to run all the way to the gym just to make it to their third-period class on time. Luckily, there was a water fountain they could drink from, and boy did they, especially Anima. Then they changed into a white T-shirt and knee-high orange gym shorts.

“Oh God! I’m so tired, and we haven’t even started class yet!” Kishi panted.

Anima merely nodded. She sat down on a bench and doubled over. She looked over and noticed an overweight black girl. She must’ve been new because she wasn’t talking to anybody.

“So uh… you new here too?” Anima shyly asked.

“Anima!” Kishi said in a hushed whisper, “That’s Leandra Miller! She’s been here for years!”

“Oh.” Anima turned back to Leandra and asked, “So what all do we do here?”

Leandra snorted. “Nothing really. Sometimes we play kickball every once in a while, but that’s pretty much it.”

Anima was in great awe. “You’re serious?”

that's pretty much how it is

Sure enough, Leandra was right as the gym teacher, a tall white man with balding brown hair, called rolled and started a short game of kickball. And that was pretty much it. The only notable thing about the whole ordeal was that Shibi Kuroi was in this class; as usual, she kicked the ball to the pitcher when it was her turn.

Anima tapped on Leandra’s shoulder. “Is this the only class the special needs kids are in?” she asked.

“Anima!” Kishi exclaimed, “You can’t say that in public! It’s mean!”

“Yeah, bitch!” Leandra added, “Are you trying to get your ass kicked here?! This is motherfucking Portland, Oregon we’re talking about!”

“What? I was just asking a question!” Anima said.

“Okay, but it was an offensive question,” Kishi argued.

“Like I said, you’re gonna get your ass kicked if you ask this in public,” Leandra said.

Well damn. Thankfully, Anima didn’t have to deal with that shit for very long because the game ended around half and hour later. Then, as she was changing back into her school uniform, she noticed it. She noticed that most of the girls in her class looked very cute. Sure, things were a little blurry, but they were still cute either way. And then the bell rang to snap her out of it.

The next class, U.S. History, Anima and Kishi had wasn’t very far. In fact, they were the first to walk into the classroom. In fact in fact, it took quite a while for other students to come in, but it didn’t take very long for the teacher to arrive. He was a frail old man with curly white hair and glasses.

“Good morning, class,” the teacher said, “My name is Mr. Littleton. I’ve been teaching U.S. History here for over forty years, and isn’t it interesting how our country has changed so much in that little time?”

No, not really. Mostly because Anima didn’t even really consider America as her country.

“In this class, we’ll discussing the history of our country from the 1600s all the way to the Civil War,” Mr. Littleton continued as he handed out information sheets, “I would like to know more about you guys and what you guys like and need in this class.”

As Anima was filling out her information sheet, a sick hard feeling punched her in the bladder, and it was a hard hard punch. She was beginning to regret drinking so much water at that water fountain in PE. Anima jumped and began to tap her foot. Luckily, Kishi was sitting right in front of her so that she could tap her on her shoulder.

“Psst, Kish!” she whispered, “Where’re the bathrooms here?”

“What are you asking that for?” Kishi whispered back.

“I need to pee. Like, really badly.”

“They should be near the gym or something like that. Why don’t you ask the teacher?”

Hope that’ll work. Anima’s hand sprang up faster than the speed of light, but her lips were dry and her brain was empty. Thankfully, Mr. Littleton noticed immediately. “Is there anything you need?”

Gotta say something, gotta say something, gotta say something. “Can I go to the bathroom please?”

“My goodness, is this an emergency?” Mr. Littleton asked.

What the fuck wasn’t an emergency?!

“Alright, alright! Here’s the bathroom pass!” the old fuck said, handing Anima a small red bathroom pass.

Thank fuck Anima made it in time, or shit would’ve been gone down further than R. Kelly’s dignity and career. Flushing the toilet, Anima realized that while her day hadn’t been that great, it could’ve been a lot worse. A whole lot worse.

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The MLM Master List

The Anti-MLM Coalition

Elle-small[Elle:] The good folks behind popular Facebook group “Sounds Like MLM But OK” are on a mission. Joining forces with new writer Freja Dahl (The Truth About MLMs), group admins Allison Watson, Katie Young and Elizabeth Finn have created The MLM Master List. They have kindly given us permission to display the list here — and we are also adding to it regularly.

Visitisthisanmlm.com for an alternative search method!

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